A stray bullet killed a male resident of Daly City, or a even a large section of south San Francisco adjacent to the area, said a police spokesperson today. The incident occurred near the freeway about brunch-time as the man was probably running an errand. According to forensic evidence the bullet ricocheted off the side of a brick building and struck the man in the head, piercing his baseball cap. Witnesses reported seeing a white mini-van speeding toward the freeway entrance following the incident.
Jan
16
In what appears to be a wanton destruction of innocent animals, a US Airways pilot recklessly collided with a flock of Canadian geese on Thursday, killing most on contact. The dead geese, none of whom have been identified, were flying south together as they do every year for vacation. Autopsy reports suggest that the plane’s engines delivered the fatal blow, though experts familiar with the incident now say some of the geese may simply have suffered mid-air shock before plummeting and drowning in the near-freezing Hudon River, about 1,000 feet below.
Following the collision, US Airways pilot Captain C.B. “Sully” Sullenberger casually glided the plane into the Hudson, forcing passengers to disembark and make other travel arrangements. According to early news reports, panic nearly got the best of those onboard as the plane began to slowly fill with water. Yet, in a nod to old fashioned chivalry, women and children were allowed to exit first, and then, and only then, the men, said one passenger, named only Kolodjay.
A representative from the office of Jay Leno is expected to announce a guest appearance this week by pilot Captain Sullenberger on the Tonight Show. The pilot is being hailed as a hero for the obliteration of harmless creatures and subsequent “cool” landing. Relatives of the Canadian Geese killed in the crash could only express shock and dismay. “That so many Canadian Geese can be killed so carelessly, and that no one seems to care, speaks truth about the plight of our kind today,” said one goose. “What if these had been American Geese? I think the reaction in the media would have been quite different.”
Dec
23
David Foster Wallace, 1962-2008
The guy could really write, and then he hanged himself. And then a lot of long obituary pieces were written. The longness of the remembrances, I think, was a tribute to Wallace, who also liked to write long books and articles. The New York Times did a good job. Newsweek, on the other hand, chose the word ’infinite’ as a keyword to describe the man, his work and abilities. Wallace wrote a book, over one-thousand pages, called Infinite Jest. Calling the man ‘infinitely talented’ is a weak and obvious play on the title. Newsweek wasn’t alone. The author Don DeLillo, who spoke at a memorial service for Wallace, chose ‘infinity’ as the topic of his eulogy, beginning simply by saying “Infinity.” And then ended with this: “But there is another word. There is always another word…” But what is it, Don?
Dec
07
In the harrowing political battle being waged in cities and farms across California, chickens appear to be gaining the upper hand against a determined adversary, as the above woman seems ready to admit. Only an ironic campaign featuring cute t-shirts can save the prospect of gay marriage now.
Dec
02
If you want a driver’s license in California you will have to pass the Department of Motor Vehicles’ written exam. If you are a first time applicant, with or without a previous license, you will need to answer thirty of thirty six questions correctly. All questions are based on information in the California Driver Handbook, available on the state’s DMV website. Although any of the information in the handbook could theoretically appear on the exam, here is a short list of rules (along with their page number) that, if remembered, will let you ‘cruise’ to a passing grade in no time. The best part? You’ll never actually have to read the handbook! Because seriously, who has time for that anyway?
- Do not drive on the sidewalk (page 11).
TIP: Driving on the sidewalk is bad because there are often brick buildings next to them, which could damage your car. - Never stop on railroad tracks. Expect a train on any track at any time traveling in either direction (page 16).
TIP: Trains are wild and unpredictable. Never trust a train with an important favor. - When you back up or back out of a parking space know where your kids are (page 26).
TIP: Are they at grandma’s, or playing underneath the tires? Know before backing up. - Do not blind other drivers with your high beam headlights (page 27).
TIP: Blind people make exceptionally bad drivers. Help keep them off the road by remembering this simple rule. - Don’t use your horn if a driver is going slowly – the driver may be ill (page 29).
TIP: Do not make a lot of noise around a sick person trying to get some rest – it may encourage them to talk to you and they may be contagious.
Nov
22
Waiter! My fiancé cried out across the café. The waiter came over to our table and casually glanced at each of us. Waiter, she said, keep an eye on this gentleman. She bobbed her head in my direction. She leveled a low-brow stare at the waiter who was all anticipation. She spoke seriously. Make sure he doesn’t steal the napkin holders, will you? Having said this she threw her head back and laughed a heinous laugh. Her whole body shook. The waiter looked at me and smiled pitifully. With a curt swivel he left us alone. My fiancé had mostly recovered from her fit by now, yet I felt that other people were staring. Oh darling, she said to me. That waiter is my ex-husband. We still like to laugh once in a while. Now what will you be having?
Nov
17
Daniil Kharms, 1905-1942
During the Nazi siege of Leningrad one million people died of starvation and bombings. According to I Saw It: New Letters About War (2005) the residents of the city were so desperate for food they took to making ‘leather belt soup,’ boiling and eating small pieces of their leather belts for nourishment. Russian writer Daniil Kharms must have had no belt. He starved to death in a Leningrad prison cell in 1942. His crime? Silliness. Or in the nomenclature of the time, anti-Soviet and defeatist statements. As one of the founders of the Association of Real Art, Kharms and his followers strove to create art unconstrained by logical thinking. The result was often fun, absurd, and apparently anti-Soviet. Here are a couple links to his work. Bon appetit.
2) So it is in life, by Daniil Kharms (The New Yorker, August 2007)
Nov
14
First you become President of the United States, then all the long-lost family comes calling. All of a sudden, everyone wants a piece. Typical. The Israeli daily Ha’aretz reported that bedouin in the northern Israeli village of Bir al-Maksour claim that Pres-elect Obama is a lost member of their tribe. In celebration they are throwing a “massive party” where they will slaughter dozens of sheep. On the same day, Ha’aretz also featured an article about a group of Chicago Jews who believe Obama is actually the ’first Jewish president.’ For now, sheep in Chicago appear safe.
Nov
11
W.
The historic significance of the moment could not have been lost on the men – for the first time a sitting president known for hard drug abuse greeted a president-elect in the White House who once enjoyed a little blow himself. With the door to the Oval Office shut and no aides (or wives) present, did the president and his successor decide to relax after a tense political season with a bag of coke? The strength of America depends on our leaders’ ability to reconcile publicly and on a personal level following elections. These men, so different in their politics, certainly have at least one thing in common.
Nov
10
California just banned gay marriage. Despite encouraging poll numbers in the weeks before the vote, a state that overwhelmingly went for Obama on November 4 sided with inequality. How did this happen? Aren’t all Obama voters supposed to be nice and liberal? Apparently Obama and gay marriage don’t go hand in hand. Even in San Francisco County, the belly of liberalism in this country, the results were askew. While 84% of the county voted for Obama, only 75.6% voted against the marriage ban. The analysis of the No on Prop 8 campaign has begun. One theory is that African American voters went for Obama but supported the ban because this bloc is more conservative when it comes to views on marriage and family. This leaves me wondering: if Obama was gay, would 8’s fate be any different?
